the paths that your eyes wander down

conversation from yesterday at the kuos.
i hadn't seen mr. wang or mr. whatever his name is in 2 or 3 weeks, and mr. whatever brought me an iced coffee and tiramisu.

mr. kuo: megan! mr. wang and mr. chen here to see you!
mr. wang: megan! i love you! will you kiss me?
me: long time no see! where have you been?
..i start to survey the scene and notice that their eyes are all a little squinty and they're all toasted.
anyway i try to sit between mr. kuo and mr. chen, but mr. chen is smoking, so i have to sit by mr. wang. mr. kuo gets up to give me the tiramisu and coffee
mr. kuo: mr. chen give you cake and coffee!
me: yahooo thank you, tiramisu is my favorite
mr. wang: megan, i love you. will you kiss me?
me: ni hen lao de ren han wo hen piao liang han chong ming (you are old and i am pretty and smart)
mrs. chan was hovering behind me nervously laughing the whole time. they're all harmless but it's new to me to have an old man declaring his love to me every 5 seconds. mr. kuo always apologizes to me the next day

i'm going to find/kill the mosquito that's loose somewhere in my room and then go to sleep. i'm almost finished with joy luck club which i think is cute and even better because it has lots of stuff about asian culture that's funnier when you're living here. jerry said he didn't like it in the past but i think he could appreciate it more now than he can at least try to read some of their weird pinyin where the author tried to phonetically spell a chinese word.

it's supposed to warm up tomorrow. fingers crossed. i think all of this cold, dreary weather has gotten me a little down. i've been missing my friends and home in general this week. ..how many girls get pep talks from their moms that involve the words 'existential aloneness?'

Remind yourself that you are well loved and not alone. It is the feeling of separateness- existential aloneness that hits us sometimes in the pit of our stomach. You aren't without true support. Really.