Sunday, March 1, 2009


at the tea party, alex mentioned this book that gives topics you should talk about with your fiance before you marry them. i only have 15 or so but i think i'll post one every day, as i find them hilarious/food for thought.

Genetic engineers at Johns Hopkins University announce that they have developed a so-called "super gorilla." Though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over 12,000 words, an IQ of almost 85 and--most notably--a vague sense of self-awareness. Oddly, the creature (who weighs 700 pounds) becomes fascinated by football. The gorilla aspires to play the game at its highest level and quickly develops the rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that the gorilla would be "borderline unblockable" and would likely average 6 sacks a game (although Jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misdirections plays). Meanwhile, the gorilla has made it clear that he would never intentionally injure any opponent. You are commissioner of the NFL: Would you allow this gorilla to sign with the Oakland Raiders?

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